# A + B does not always equal C

In my last post I discussed how jiu-jitsu has forced me to stop overthinking everything and learn to roll in the moment. I am going to continue the theme of how jiu-jitsu has forced me to think outside the box and address another topic my brain has trouble with:  the lack of repeatable results.

I have always been drawn to math. There’s something about numbers and their relationships that appeals to me. I can still remember learning about the divisibility by 9 rule (explained here). It rocked my world. I was able to figure out the divisibility by 3 rule after that and to this day I still often add up numbers to see if they are divisible by 3, 6 and/or 9 (some people may think that is nerdy, some people may say it’s a little obsessive compulsive but I prefer to think of it as adorable).

I find comfort in equations and formulas knowing that I can always predict the results based on a series of steps. I make a living writing computer programs. My job is to produce repeatable results. Given the same input, the output should always be the same. I am used to living my life very algorithmically. I think in sequences of events. I like to know that if I do A and B that the outcome will always be C. Now enter jiu-jitsu where almost nothing is repeatable or predictable.

Early on in my training I regularly found myself trying to figure out what the next step would be when I was drilling a move. Often when I would ask my instructor, the answer would contain some variation of “it depends on your partner’s reaction”. I found this very unsatisfactory. I just want to get to C. Tell me what A and B are and we can all go home happy.

But of course there is no equation to jiu-jitsu that results in the same outcome all the time. There is so much that is not under your control. Different partners will react to the same setup differently. Even the same partner will react in different ways. Just the other night I was rolling with someone and he tried to put a triangle on me, I did an escape and got out. Not two minutes later he put me in another triangle (it’s triangle week at the gym), I did the same escape and he didn’t budge and I had to tap. There is nothing logical about that! Within a span of seconds I did the same experiment with the same steps and got two different results.

Early on my desire to think formulaically really stifled my training. If I was getting in a bad position a lot I would ask my instructors ways to get out of it. They would often show me a couple of escapes to use depending on what your partner was doing. I would pick one and decide I was going to use it. I would then get really frustrated when I would apply the escape and it wouldn’t work. YOU TOLD ME THIS WAS A SIDE MOUNT ESCAPE AND I DID IT YET I AM STILL IN SIDE MOUNT! What I didn’t realize was that I was ignoring the part where I worked off of what my partner was giving me.

I was also so focused on sequences of events that I often wasn’t paying enough attention to what I was drilling that day. I would find myself thinking about what came before the move and after and what the desired outcome would be and I wasn’t working hard enough to learn the move itself.

As I mentioned in my last post, I soon discovered that my typical way of thinking was not always beneficial to me in jiu-jitsu. I made the decision to stop trying to process everything logically while I was rolling and concentrate more on acting instinctively to what my partner was doing. I found that not only was my jiu-jitsu getting better by doing this but I was having more fun and feeling less frustrated.  My ways of thinking have changed so much that when a student asked me last week what the next step would be from a guard pass I showed her, I said “well it depends on what your partner does”. I have become everything I used to hate.

So jiu-jitsu made me think outside of my very cozy, logical box and learn to rely on instinct. It also forced me to realize that my next move was not always going to be under my control so I had to learn to work with what was given to me. Of course these are lessons that not only apply to the mats but also carry over into everyday life.

This change in thinking has been a big part of my jiu-jitsu transformation and I will always be grateful for it. I think it will always be difficult for me to explain to the non jiu-jitsu people in my life why jiu-jitsu is good for the soul but this is a huge part of it. Through jiu-jitsu I have had to do things both physically and mentally that I never thought I was possible of and I know I have become a better person because of it.

The Gentle Artist

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