I hate my job
I do. I hate my job. And there’s no reason to hate my job. It’s a good job as far as jobs go. I get paid a good salary to do exactly what I went to school for (I design and develop software). They are very laid back, they have even let me work flex hours to do training in the morning before. It’s a fine and dandy job.
I have hated aspects of my job before. I have had projects I hated, I have had clients I hated, I have had commutes I hated but I have never hated the essence of what I do. I am a computer geek and I have always been somewhat proud of that.
So why do I hate my job now? The answer is simple (and somewhat cheesy and over romanticized, I apologize). I have found my passion. I am obsessed and consumed with BJJ in a way I have never been with anything else in my life and I am growing increasingly frustrated and angry that I have to spend the majority of my day doing something that is not my passion.
As I have mentioned before, I train a lot. It is rare that I do not do at least 6 classes a week and I also try to mix in some cardio and strength on occasion. This is very time consuming. I often tell people that I feel like I have two full-time jobs.
It is not only time consuming but it’s exhausting. I think that if I had a few days off I could easily sleep the entire time. So why am I doing this to myself? Because I don’t want to spend less time training and I can’t spend less time working (they are very strict about that 40 hours a week thing).
I would probably have a happier life if I could be a more casual trainer. One of those people that come in 2-3 times a week and are happy and fulfilled with that. If I were able to see BJJ as a hobby and not a lifestyle, I could be happy working in my good job and heading off to the gym a few times a week after. I am past the point of no return on this though.
As previously stated, I am a computer geek. I used to have all the latest and coolest gadgets. A nice TV, the best cable you could buy, a new phone every year. Now I’d happily throw them all away, sell my condo, quit my job, move to Brazil and train for the rest of my life. This is what love of jiu-jitsu will do to a person.
Sadly do to a failing economy and a strong sense of practicality this is not an option for me (yet). So I find myself at a crossroads of sorts. Do I try to find ways to make my dream of training more a reality or do I listen to that strong sense of practicality and realize that I am 33 years old and it might be too late for me to follow dreams and just be happy working my good job and training less?
Screw practicality 🙂 I have been thinking a lot about ways I can save money and live a happier existence. I have plans in the works, now I just need to find the time, energy and guts to implement them. But hey, if I can let large, scary men choke me I can do this right?