I hate to lose

I am sure that very few people actually like to lose. I am not alone in this. But sometimes I get so annoyed by losing that I act like a…to be perfectly honest…jerk. I realized this the other night after rolling with someone.

It was my first time rolling with this particular guy other than some positional sparring exercises at the end of class. He is big and strong but relatively new (particularly to no-gi which is what we are doing this week) so I was able to control him and get positions for the most part.

At one point I was going to pass his guard and he sat up and sort of went for a back take but also grabbed my arm. I don’t really know how to explain it as I don’t think it’s a position I’ve been in before but he managed to muscle my arm into some kind of submission and I had to tap. This is often what is frustrating about rolling with new people, they try crazy shit that shouldn’t work but sometimes does.

Me, in my moment of jerkiness, went to reset and said “you know you were able to get that on me but you most likely wouldn’t get it on the other guys”. He laughed and agreed and told me he’d tried it on most of them and gotten shut down.

This is the part of being the weakest person that I hate. People are able to get crazy submissions on me that are not going to work 90% of the time. I know this is a lot of bitterness on my part. If I get a submission on someone it is often because I meticulously worked technique, I just don’t have the option to muscle anyone. So when someone gets a cheap submission on me I can’t help but want to pout and say “that’s not fair!” as I throw myself to the mat in a fit of rage.

After my initial two-year-old-temper-tantrum moment I decided to focus on not doing stupid things that would get me submitted and just holding position. I am happy to report that I passed his guard, got to side control and held it through several vigorous attempts to dislodge me. I also managed to get to mount and try to start working submissions, although I got swept (this has been a common problem lately). Overall a decent roll.

I got to thinking about this on my way home that night. I like to try to turn negatives into positives whenever possible so instead of thinking of what I’d done to get caught (which honestly I couldn’t fix anyway, I don’t know what he did and I don’t know how I helped make it happen) I thought about my success later in the roll.

Specifically I thought about how I was able to control his position and how I didn’t back down when he tried to muscle me off. This is a lot of progress for me. As recently as 3 months ago, maybe less, I would have backed down from this guy because he was clearly stronger. I am finding that by rolling hard with the stronger guys that I am learning more and more about how to deal with it and having more success.

So it sucked to get submitted in a crazy submission. It will always suck when this happens. But I will keep rolling and challenging myself and hopefully it will start happening less. And maybe I’ll try to act more like a grownup when I do get caught…maybe…

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