I am sorry for another long delay in posts. I have had some pretty bad luck with my knee in the weeks since the open and haven’t been able to train much. When I can’t train, it tends to be the beginning of a downward spiral where I do all sorts of bad stuff and it’s very hard for me to keep up with the blog because I am depressed I am not training. I am not trying to make excuses (well maybe a little) but I wanted to offer some kind of explanation as to why my blogging has been so spotty lately as well as a promise to try to do better…trust me, you can’t stay mad at me!

I don’t want to turn this jiu-jitsu blog into a knee injury blog so I’m not going to focus too much on medical stuff. Basically my doctor tried a new treatment a couple of weeks ago and not only did it not work, but my leg has been in a lot of pain since. While it’s been sad not to be able to train, it’s been worse not being able to walk, stand, sit or even lie down without pain. I know, poor me 😦

So while I don’t want to get into boring medical details, I would like to talk about the effect this injury is having mentally because maybe that will be more useful to someone someday. If you don’t want to read a whole post about what I think about being injured I can sum it nicely right now for you…it sucks.

I am basically planning everything around what is good for my knee now. I can’t do anything that involves much walking because that is agonizing after about a minute. I’ve been coming into work earlier because I work in a massive building with parking all over the place and I want to get a closer spot to minimize the walking. I also plan trips to the grocery store to hit only one section at a time for the same reason. Anywhere I go now I have to think about how much walking will be involved and what kind of seating arrangements there are. My knee does pretty good on hard chairs but will start hurting pretty soon if I sit in a soft chair.

Besides the fact that my number one priority in life has become pain management, I also think about odd things when I’m hobbling around. Last week I was leaving work and a guy was walking behind me and I thought that if he, or anyone, decided to attack me there was no way I was going to run away. I did not find this man particularly threatening but it was a weird little moment of realization and now whenever someone is behind me I inevitably think about how they could physically dominate me and it makes me sad that I can’t fight anymore. I also bristle a little every time someone passes me because I am walking too slow. I have fantasies of yelling out “I used to the passer and not the passee!” and then telling them all about my glory days with two functional knees.

So while it’s hard enough that my knee is on my mind almost all the time (sadly because my knee hurts while I am sleeping I even often dream about knee pain) it’s super hard that I am going through all this stress and I’ve lost my number one way to deal with stress…jiu-jitsu! And not only do I not get to train but because I’ve let jiu-jitsu permeate pretty much all areas of my life, I am constantly being reminded that I am not training. All I see in social media is jiu-jitsu stuff. Most of my friends are doing jiu-jitsu. Hell I am even wearing a jiu-jitsu shirt right now! I can’t escape the fact that there is a ton of jiu-jitsu going on and I am not involved in any of it.

The part that is the most frustrating to me is the fact that I don’t have a diagnosis for what is causing the pain and therefore no plan to fix it. Back in September when I got an MRI, I was told it was a sprained ligament but I feel that something else must have happened since then because the pain is much worse now and is not getting better. I had another appointment this week and my doctor was worried it might be a blood clot so I had to get an ultrasound. You know you are desperate for a solution when you are actually sad the doctor tells you that you don’t have a clot. I am planning to push for a scope at my next appointment because I really just want to know what’s going on right now. Part of me is afraid of what they’ll find and how long it will take to recover but I think the scarier prospect is that they tell me there is nothing to fix and knee pain is part of my life from now on.

I am trying to stay as positive as I can and tell myself that something will work and my knee will get better. It’s been such a long process that I have to admit that it’s getting difficult to keep the faith. Sometimes when I am really frustrated I start to wonder if this is how my jiu-jitsu story is going to end. I hurt my knee and I kept pushing it and finally my knee gave up on me and we will live the rest of our respective lives hating each other. I really don’t think this is where my path was meant to end though so I have no choice but to keep looking for a solution.

So that’s what’s been up with me the last few weeks. I promise more jiu-jitsu themed blogs soon and in the meantime, I hope you are all enjoying your time on the mats!

Tags: , , ,

4 responses to “Ow”

  1. Nicole says :

    You are either winning or learning.—Helio Gracie
    Right now you are just being awakened to your own mortality. I have worked as a special education teacher for about fifteen years now. I am forty-two, overweight, and I am frequently hurt simply due to my own clumsiness or having an illness and trying to train. This may be a time to learn how to move your body in different ways so when you get back to training, you may discover how to get to a new technique. Every time I get on the mats, I am in some kind of pain. I figure if I am not feeling something, I’m probably dead.
    The idea of giving up is something I never entertain. You are a decent teacher and the happiness you have while you are training and speaking about jiu jitsu are worth keeping. If you can’t train, focus on techniques and a new approach to something. Fight back with your mind. It is can be your greatest ally.

  2. Nicole says :

    OK, my teacher OCD just kicked in. I made a grammatical error two sentences before the last sentence. Th sentence should read “You are a decent teacher and the happiness you have while you are training and speaking about jiu jitsu is worth keeping. (Subject is happiness (singular).

  3. Mom says :

    I think you need to go to another Dr and find out what is wrong! Love you and been there done that does not help. I love you and I know what that pain feels like. We will talk!

  4. Jorge says :

    I trained as a massage therapist, it’s crazy how trigger points in muscles will fuck you up.
    As long as the docs have cleared you please try alternative approaches.
    massage therapist who works with chronic pain
    hypnotist who has delt with chronic pain
    There are tons of options that don’t involve pills or scalples

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

The Gentle Artist

We ARE Jiu-Jitsu.


With your feet on the air and your head on the ground

Meerkatsu's Blog

One woman's Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu journey

The Jiu Jitsu Transformation

Beginner Jiu Jitsu 101 and BJJ Quotes

This week in BJJ and MMA

Your weekly Combat Sports newswire.

Stethoscopes and Armbars

Just a girl out to prove that true strength comes from within.


Musings on life, learning, social work, and judo. Mostly judo.

Georgette's Jiu Jitsu World

One woman's Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu journey

Jiu Jitsu Adventure

A blog where I talk about my adventures with this meaning of life called Jiu-Jitsu

BJJ Contemplations

A blog about Jiu-Jitsu, the universe, and everything

Eli's BJJ Blog

Brazilian Jiu Jitsu Blog and more...

Jiu Jitsu Evolution

A Blog all about Jiu Jitsu, and how I have evolved whilst studying it.


One woman's Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu journey

isang taong-nayon

Random ramblings of extreme importance , Bjj and Muay Thai

Jiu-Jiu's BJJ Blog

A language teacher's take on jiu jitsu

BJJ For Women

Women's BJJ Blog: Interviews, Jiu- Jitsu Events and All Things Fenom

slideyfoot.com | bjj resources

One woman's Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu journey

The Grumpy German

bunnies : magick : metalz


Northern gal, heading South

SavageKitsune's Training Blog

One woman's Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu journey

One woman's Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu journey


Kissing Dragons

A Skirt on the Mat

One Gal's take on Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and everything in it


Doing, not saying. Being, not wishing.

gypsy girl in gi

Aussie in France - life updates and musings about brazilian jiu jitsu

No Guts, No Glory?

A Gutless Woman Practicing Brazilian Jiu Jitsu

Curiosity Sometimes Pays Off

The Domain of A. T. Greenblatt

The Exploits of a Lazy Grappler.

Shite writer, extraordinaire.

The Challenge 2013

I will not be governed by fear, exhaustion, or pain. I will not bury my head in the sand or turn away from an opportunity. I am grateful for what I have, but I will continue to reach for it is striving that defines me.

Fail Jitsu

The gentleman's gentle art of lying on the ground and rolling with the other gents.

Mountains to Mats

The Modern Art of Muay Ski-Jitsu...

Jon Jitsu

Blatherings of a Jiu Jitsu Addict

RocknRoll Brazilian Jiu Jitsu & Fitness - RNR BJJ

Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, Fitness and Music Blog! Cutting edge technique, jiu jitsu based drills and fitness programs, and rock n roll!

Learning to ride the waves

Smile! You’re at the best WordPress.com site ever

BJJ Grrl

"Be gentle, kind and beautiful, yet firm and strong, both mentally and physically." ~Sensei Keiko Fukuda

Crawl Atop Me and Meet Your Doom

One woman's Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu journey

%d bloggers like this: