I know it’s been a while but I figure it’s time to get back to this blogging business. I haven’t really been intentionally ignoring it, I just am having trouble thinking of brilliant things to say about training.
When last I left off, I had just registered for the NY Open and decided to start tournament training again. Training for the tournament went ok but not as well as I would have liked. Even though mentally I wanted to train more and get focused, I found that life doesn’t always care about my training. In the past I have been able to train 5-6 days a week (sometimes more) for tournaments and I never felt prepared. So this time when I was lucky to get to training 3 days during the week, I really didn’t feel prepared. There were many times I didn’t think I’d be able to handle it and wanted to pull out from the tournament but I had already committed to it so I decided I was going to do it.
April 11th came and with it the NY Open. I only had one other person in my division (the joys of being a women’s master competitor) and it was someone I know and I knew it would be a challenging match. I wanted to take her down, get on top and stay there. I was able to get the takedown and I did get on top but I failed at staying there. Once she reversed the positions I could not get back on top and she ended up keeping me on bottom the rest of the match. She went for a few submissions which I defended but I just couldn’t escape. I have issues every now and then where when I feel stuck on bottom, I start to feel very panicky. Unfortunately this panic decided to show up during my match. I actually had to fight the urge to tap just because I started to freak out. So my takeaways from this are work on keeping position and stop freaking out. I am not sure how to work on that second one, the idea of asking people to smother me is very unappealing.
After my division was done I fought a brief battle with myself over doing the absolute division. On the one hand I figured it would be more matches and why not do it but on the other I felt I had done poorly in my division, I was still feeling the aftereffects of the match and it felt kind of weird to me to lose and still compete in absolute. In the end I decided I would compete. I had two matches in the absolute division. My goals were the same for these matches as in my previous: get the takedown, get on top, stay on top.
In my first match I was able to succeed at all this. I got the takedown and ended up in half guard. Eventually I passed and I got to side and spent pretty much the entire rest of the match there. I used shoulder pressure and I went for a few subs, mostly ezekiels. When rolling, I like to get to side control and then transition to mount and go for subs (my favorite being an arm triangle) but I was really hesitant to do that in the match. In the end I sort of wished I had gone for more. Oh well…I won this match on points.
My second match was against a friend who trains close to me and who I often train with at open mats. She is very fast and strong and always gives me trouble. She went for a snap down (I think) and I got on top and sprawled out. She ended up getting me in guard and then continually broke my posture down. She has a very active guard and went for armbars a lot. I defended and eventually she got out to my back (I forget how) and she took mount as well. I was on the defense the whole time and ended up losing on points. This was good enough for a bronze (which I split with a teammate) as we had 9 competitors.
After the tournament, I left for a relaxing vacation in Punta Cana (I highly recommend everyone take a vacation after a tournament) and had a lot of time to reflect on it. I always go through a minor slump when I lose at a tournament but it was worse this time. It was very emotional losing for many reasons and I started thinking that maybe it was time to realize jiu-jitsu is done with me.
I wasn’t just reacting to losing but to the ongoing struggle I’ve had getting back into jiu-jitsu after my yearlong fun with a herniated disc. Getting back to where I used to be is not very easy and I feel like I’m stuck here being overweight and out of shape for jits. Switching gyms has been difficult and even though I knew many of the people who train there and the coaches before I started, at times I still feel very much like an outsider. This feeling was intensified after the tournament.
However after a few days of contemplating being done with jits, I came back to sanity and realized that I didn’t want to quit jits. I still very much love it and I still feel like it’s part of who I am but the struggle to get back to where I was before is very hard. I guess it’s only natural to feel the urge to give up when the struggle is hard but I don’t want to leave something I love because it got hard.
So in the end I am pretty happy that I pushed myself to compete. I definitely identified things I need to work on and it has given me new determination to get out of this slump and commit myself to getting to where I want to be. I know that life is not going to get less hectic anytime soon and that I am still going to be lucky to get to the gym 3 times a week but I am ok with making slow and steady progress. It’s better than no progress at all.