I am in a funk. In a junk-eating, training skipping, lazy-ass-being funk. I am not sure how I got into it, I am not sure what to do to get out of it but boy oh boy am I in a funk.
After training pretty intensely for the NY Open and Grappler’s Quest I decided to take a week off. I have never taken off from BJJ just for the sake of taking off and I wasn’t sure I could handle a full week of no BJJ but I found I enjoyed the break as did my very sore elbow.
When the next week started though I was excited to get back on the mat and back to training. However I found after a couple of days that I was feeling exhausted and didn’t have much of a drive to train. I kept going but it was more out of stubbornness and unwillingness to break with my schedule than desire to train.
Each week it’s been getting worse. This week I ended up not going to training twice which is very unlike me. I have never skipped training because I don’t want to go before. Yesterday I went back for the first time since Monday and was enjoying class until I rolled over my toe while we were drilling waiter sweeps and had to leave class early limping out.
I wish I could figure out what is causing the funk so I could figure out how to get out of it. I think though that’s it’s probably the culmination of a lot things coming together. There have been several events that have left me feeling somewhat disillusioned lately and I just constantly feel broken down and beaten up.
The annoying thing is that I want to want to train. I am completely miserable and angry because I just want to feel the same desire to train again. I am probably overthinking it (I have been known to do that) and that is just making it worse.
But I am not sure what the best way to get the drive back is. I am fond of saying the only answer to jiu-jitsu problems is more jiu-jitsu but I don’t know if that is the case here. If I keep making myself go am I eventually going to pull out of my funk or am I just going to keep resenting it more?
I am planning to compete at the end of September so I don’t really have an option to take a long break. I also feel that this is maybe one of those times that is going to define who I am as jiu-jitsuer. I don’t want to start skipping training just because it is really hard for me now. I need to push through this and come out the other side feeling better than I did before.
I have no doubt I will move past this eventually. As long as I am physically capable, I really don’t see anything keeping me from jiu-jitsu for too long. But I really hope I find my happy place again soon, I feel like Cindy Lou Who sadly singing “Where are you jiu-jitsu” every night (I am sure any sympathy you felt for me has now been negated by getting that song in your head).
Anyone who has some advice on how to find the love again, feel free to share, I could use it!